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LEAKED: Ted Strickland’s State of the State Address

January 26, 2010 at 11:07 am Matt Leave a comment Go to comments

Prepared Remarks by Governor Ted Strickland
State of the State Address- January 26, 2010
Embargoed until delivery

Speaker Budish, Senate President Bill Harris, Leader Batchelder and Leader Cafaro, Lt. Governor Fisher, statewide elected officials, members of the Cabinet, members of the General Assembly and the Supreme Court, distinguished guests, First Lady Frances Strickland and my fellow Ohioans.

The State of Ohio is a mess.

I would like to begin by asking you, are you better off than you were three years ago? WAIT WAIT Don’t answer that yet. What I mean is

Are you better off after:

President Bush’s irresponsible tax cuts to the wealthy and small business owners?

(Audience: Noooooooooooo!)

The economic collapse caused by former Lehman Brother’s Managing Director John Kasich, who out of his small Ohio office and in-between hosting a weekend show on that far-right Fox News, was responsible for the mortgage meltdown & coordinated a global economic collapse?

(Audience: Noooooooooooo!)

Are you better off thanks to Wall Street, greed, greed, or Wall Street, and George Bush, Lehman Brother’s and greed?

(Audience: Noooooooooooo!)

Exactly right. Ohio’s unemployment has doubled to 11% and we have lost more than 300,000 jobs since I took office… almost 200,000 in 2009 alone… and it is all thanks to a number of external issues that have nothing to do with my role as Governor.

So what have we done in Ohio? I will tell you.

First, I have kept my promise to reform education. First, I did my part to wrestle money away from those separation-of-Church-and-State-violating Christofascist Catholic schools. No longer will your tax dollars go to teach students terrible lies about abstinence or the horrors of abortion.

(Audience: Applause! F*** those bastard children.)

I turned the money over to our schools… the local, public unionized schools… which, according to the evidence collected through my evidence based education reform committee, need every dollar we can shake from the state sofa.

I also am proud to announce my all-day kindergarten plan, which is part of the past budget. Sure, it is unfunded and most schools are opting out… But it makes for fantastic campaign commercials.

(Audience: Applause!)

And those commercials employ cameramen and editors while stimulating Ohio’s local TV network affiliates. Jobs saved.  Jobs created.

(Audience: Applause!)

And I have saved the state the burden of making difficult financial choices, by working with President Obama to secure billions of dollars in stimulus dollars to fund state programs. I once said President Obama was better suited for American Idol than the Presidency, but he has shown himself to be a man of integrity… like your college roommate who spots you a 20 when you are low on beer money.

These Federal dollars came attached with heavy spending mandates which will never disappear, but don’t worry. Not only is the next budget not debated until AFTER the gubernatorial election, I am well on my way to securing billions of dollars more in Federal stimulus dollars.

And while our economy stinks, we are better than Michigan. And I have made sure we invest in green jobs. Environmentally friendly jobs. In fact, they are so pollution free, they are invisible.

(Audience: Applause!)

And we will lead Ohio into the new century, by building upon the Third Frontier program, a program which replaces to work of venture capitalists by investing in high-tech companies. Former Governor Taft knew how to create jobs, and I want to keep that ball rolling.

(Audience: Applause! 1 man standing-ovation: Brian Hicks)

And we capped tuition for higher education. Sure, it does nothing about supply while artificially increasing demand, but we must keep the status quo of unionized inefficiencies in place. And we must protect the salaries for the educrats who make sure our children are properly reeducated and kept out of this horrendous job market for as long as possible. Therefore, I have maintained all sky-high salaries for OSU’s administration.

(Audience: Applause! Curt Steiner: Stands up and gestures the “OH!… IO!”)

And we finally rolled back irresponsible tax cuts for the wealthy, and for you. I have increased income taxes by 4.2%, retroactively, for the year 2009. No longer will the average family have to suffer the indignity of 80 extra bucks in their pocket, when that money could be used by the state.

We will bring jobs back to Ohio. Say it with we now.

Jobs!

(Audience: Jobs!)

Jobs!

(Audience: Jobs!)

Green Jobs!

(Audience: Green Jobs!)

Fancy Jobs!

(Audience: Fancy Jobs!)

Gambling Jobs!

(Audience: Gambling Jobs?)

With your help, we will get through this mess that John Kasich created. Jobs and jobs!

I promised you to turn around Ohio. And I kept my promise. But while y’all were turned around, I never said what I’d be doing to your rear end. Thank you.

(Audience: Applause!)

Related posts:

  1. Ted Strickland’s Ohio Department of Education Kicks Retarded Kids
  2. Ted Strickland’s Education Funding & Tax Hikes
  3. Where was Lee Fisher Today?
  4. Strickland’s Chicken Coop Math: $930,000,000 Loss in Slot Money = $2.3 Billion Loss for Schools
  5. And We Have a Budget! Ted Strickland and the Gang of 5 Spineless Senate Republicans Raised Your Taxes

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